So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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