bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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