Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
