Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
