His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
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hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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