I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
