Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
