Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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