her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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