Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
