chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
