i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
