ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
