I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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