Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
