Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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