i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
