she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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