Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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