i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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