i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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