I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
