I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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