dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
