I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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