..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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