its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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