fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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