did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
