I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
