You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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