my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
