and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
