he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
