her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
