explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
