Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
