It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hello my rib-scented angel!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
