I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
