I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
