I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
