So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
