well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My bed smells like the plague
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
