Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
