I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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