Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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