she was so not down for the gang bang
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
