So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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