drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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