Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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