was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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