Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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