I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
