apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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