After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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