i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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