You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
