Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
