Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
