I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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