i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
