My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
