We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
