I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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