so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
