the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My bed smells like the plague
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
