how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
