I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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