On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
