you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
