Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
