it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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