So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
