U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
