I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
