Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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